The Christian Home
CHRIST OUR PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION 11.8.09 1 Corinthians 11: 1-3 "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ. Now I praise you, brethren, that you remember me in all things and keep the traditions just as I delivered them to you. But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." Let us consider how to imitate Christ as husbands and wives. Ephesians 5: 22-33 is shown below with emphasis added for the purpose of highlighting and hopefully making more understandable the main points of this text. FONT used for words related to wives Words in bold italics pertain to wives. Underlined words pertain to husbands.
The quote from Genesis 2: 24 is italicized. " Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Consider the words Wives, Your Own, Wife, Church, Body, Their Own, Her, She, Bodies, His Body, His Flesh, His Bones, and One Flesh. Wives are being compared to the church whether or not they are actually members of the church. They have obtained from God that value, position, and responsibility by willfully entering into the marriage covenant. Wives are subject to their own husbands, and they own (possess) their own husbands. Wives willingly join their husbands to become one flesh creating a new body in a covenant relationship before God. Each of you is continually responsible for and to each other for as long as you both are alive. This act of freewill is followed by the freewill choice of obeying the WILL of GOD as the wife of your husband. Consider the words Husbands, LORD, Husband, Head, Christ, He, Savior, Your, Himself, Their Own, His, He Who, and His Own Flesh. Husbands are being compared to Christ whether or not they are actually members of Christ body. They have obtained from God that value, position, and responsibility by willfully entering into the marriage covenant. Husbands are heads, lords and anointed one’s in their families, and they own (possess) their own wives. Husbands willingly join their wives to become one flesh creating a new body in covenant relationship before God. Each of you is continually responsible for and to each other for as long as you are both alive. This act of freewill is followed by the freewill choice of obeying the WILL of GOD as the husband of your wife. The role of the Husband as head of the home is to be the HEAD (Leader, Teacher, Guide) of your wife and family. Husbands, be the SAVIOR of your wife and family. Love your wife by being willing to sacrifice for her best interests. Give yourself and give of yourself to your wife to help sanctify, cleanse, wash her in water (baptism), and speak and write to her the word of God so she may become holy and without blemish before her God. Nourish and cherish your wife. Husbands, by doing these things it will give guidance, security, and fulfillment to your wives in their position of responsibility. Above all, it will be pleasing to your God. The role of the wife as the Helper in the family is by being submissive to your own husband in everything. Wives, take responsibility for your own soul by sanctifying, cleansing, being washed in water (being baptized), and seeking guidance from the word of God. Become holy and without blemish before your God. Nourish and cherish yourself to strengthen the ONE FLESH relationship you have with your husband. Respect your husband whether you believe he has earned it or not. Wives, by doing these things it will give peace to your husbands and families; create harmony in achieving godly families, and help give fulfillment to your husbands in their position of responsibility. Above all, it will be pleasing to your God. ~ LRW
What are wives to do when their husbands choose not to lead in regards to certain areas of the home and family? Ephesians 5: 24 states, “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Wives, your husbands are not perfect. They are going to make bad judgments on occasion, and make decisions that you disagree with. Actually, that is what submission is all about. When you are in agreement with your husband your submission is in letting him lead in approving the decision, whatever it may be. Submission in its truest sense is when a person subjugates their will to another. God calls on wives to submit your will to your husband even at times when you do not agree with the decision he is making, the direction he is going and leading the family, and even if you believe it may be a case of bad judgment. Is this the end of the discussion? 1 Samuel 25 is the record of David’s dealings with Nabal and Abigail. In verses 2-13 we learn of the events preceding Abigail’s encounter with David, and begin to gain insight in to the character of Nabal and Abigail. Nabal was rich and also harsh and evil in all of his doings. His servants had been protected by David’s men while working in Carmel. David sent 10 of his men to make this known to Nabal so that Nabal could acknowledge their work with a gift of food. Nabal chose to revile David with insults, dismisses his authority and the aid he and his men had given to Nabal’s servants. Upon hearing this news, David and 400 men set out for Nabal’s home with the intention of killing him and all of the men of his household. Abigail is introduced in the text as “a woman of good understanding and beautiful appearance”. In vs. 14-31 she is informed by a servant of the kindness of David and his men, and of the reviling response of Nabal. Without telling Nabal, she prepares food and sends it by her servants to David. She follows afterwards and upon encountering David, bows before him pleading to be heard. Abigail is willing to give her life for her entire household, acknowledges the foolishness of Nabal, understands David’s character well enough to know he would regret taking vengeance for himself, and takes responsibility for the failure of her husband (headship). She knows Saul was trying to kill David and would be unsuccessful; and that David refused to kill Saul even when he had opportunity. Most importantly, Abigail was a woman who believed in Jehovah God. She knew the prophecies concerning David becoming the king of an enduring dynasty would come to pass. All of Israel, including Nabal, was aware of these prophecies. This shows that Nabal was knowingly acting against the anointed of God, and therefore, acting against the will of God. She requests that David show mercy, and to remember her when the LORD has dealt well with him. In vs. 32-33; 35b “Then David said to Abigail; ‘Blessed is the LORD God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you, because you have kept me this day from coming to bloodshed and from avenging myself with my own hand.’” … “‘Go up in peace to your house. See, I have heeded your voice and respected your person.’” In vs. 37 Abigail tells Nabal about her actions (an act of submission and a means of hopefully convicting Nabal of his sin), and in vs. 38 Nabal dies. In vs. 39-42 we read how Abigail became David’s wife. Did Abigail sin by not following the headship (leadership) of her husband? Was this a situation where the circumstances allowed God to have mercy on her disobedience of not submitting to her husband in order to save lives? Does David’s response to her indicate that he disapproved of her actions in any way at all? No, No and No. Abigail, like all women, was to be submissive to God first and foremost. Nabal’s actions were against God, and he was leading his household to act against God. By doing this, he relinquished his headship to properly lead in this situation. Abigail acted by the authority of God to ignore the headship of her husband, and fulfill the will of God. Husbands; do not put your wives in this position. Especially concerning spiritual matters, but anytime you disengage from providing needed leadership in the family or from providing leadership that is not according to the doctrine, principals, and examples of God’s word; you create a treacherous situation for your family. In some cases, it will force your wife to act against you or act in your place for the good of the family. In some cases it may mean that she will act against your leadership to fulfill God’s will. In other cases, it will keep a situation from being properly dealt with, and create insecurity and perhaps havoc in the family. Wives, submit to your husbands in everything, and properly understand the lessons of 1 Samuel 25 so that you do not abuse these principals. Your husband will make decisions you do not agree with, even decisions of bad judgment, and some may harm the family in different ways. Is your husband leading you and perhaps your children in a spiritually dangerous direction? Is your husband disobeying God in his headship? Is your husband unfaithful to God? 1 Corinthians 7: 12-16 “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband, who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” The Bible does not teach in this passage or any other that a wife is to follow her unbelieving husband in his spiritual convictions. In the case of a wife in Corinth, following her husband in these things would in some cases mean offering her body as a prostitute in the worship of pagan Gods. It would mean engaging in the worship of idols, and all that entails. Since that type of worship is rare in our country some wives allow the lines to become blurred in regards to following their husbands into erroneous worship, and manner of life. Galatians 3: 26-29 Sons of God are clothed in Christ. Wives; do not defile the garment of Christ that you wear in an effort to influence your husbands for Christ. Husbands; do not put your wife in a position where she has to make a choice between following you and following Christ. Ephesians 5: 22-33 teaches husbands that we are to be as Christ in our homes. ~ LRW Wives are to teach their husbands about Jesus, particularly unbelieving husbands. 1 Peter 3: 1-2 begins with the words, “Wives, likewise…” and is referring to the previous section of thought found in 1 Peter 2: 11-25. This passage is for all of us. Husbands, you would incorporate these teachings into your exercising of proper headship as described in Ephesians 5: 22-33 and in this context, 1 Peter 3: 7 which begins “Husbands, likewise…” In 1 Peter 2: 11-25 we learn how to conduct ourselves as Christians, and have the greatest possible influence on others. In vs. 11-12 we are to “…abstain from fleshly lust which war against the soul”. Fornication, which involves all sexual immorality, must be avoided; but all fleshly lust is to be avoided. This includes eating too much to satisfy our hunger, becoming a sluggard as described in Proverbs 6: 9-11 to satisfy our sleep, or to be addicted to any fleshly desire; food, medication, a television show, a sporting event, a hobby, hunting, etc. By living this way, the Gentiles, or any who stand against our convictions in Christ, will “glorify God in the day of visitation.” Vs. 13-17 tell us to “submit ourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake”. We sometimes consider obeying the speed limit a small matter and honestly reporting our taxes a big matter. In regards to servants, we are to obey the rules of our workplace. All laws and rules, small or great that do not conflict with ordinances of God are to be obeyed. “Honor all people” by showing respect to all, and not being a respecter of persons. Fulfill Matthew 7: 12 & Galatians 6: 10 in showing the love of Christ to all. “Love the brotherhood.” This is the foremost essential commandment Jesus gave us for maintaining unity in the faith, and for drawing others to us. It should be evident to our brethren and all who observe us that by our actions, words and attitude of willingly sacrificing for one another we consistently and continually have and exhibit the love of Christ. “Fear God” for this is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1: 7b) and wisdom. Proverbs 9: 10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, Remember, “…we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ…” (2 Corinthians 5: 9-11. We must be willing to suffer persecution for being righteous as Christ did. “Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth.” It is commendable before God to suffer a wrong without sin. When reviled (abused in some way) do not revile in return, and if someone is causing you suffering do not threaten them. Commit yourself to Him (God the Father) who judges righteously. Also, let us take heed that others are watching us, and most of all our spouses are watching us to see if our faith is sincere. By doing these things we will not go astray (this temptation is greater when dealing with the burden of an unbelieving spouse). 1 Peter 3: 1-6 “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands…” This will positively affect your husband in every way and will show him Christ in you more than anything else. Husbands who do not obey the word (logos- used of Christ (John 1: 1), the gospel (Acts 8: 25), and in other ways) are often not willing to hear the word. Wives are instructed to win their husbands by their conduct in contrast to winning them by word (logos). Consider the following translations, KJV, ASB, YLT “without the word”, NKJV, NASB, ESV “without a word”, NIV “without words”- NLT “without any words”, AMP “not by discussion”- HCSB “without a message”, and the Greek Interlinear literally states “without word”. The translators believed either an “a”, “the”, or “any” needed to be inserted to properly translate the thought into English, and the thought related by the other translations reflects the use of one of these articles. The NIV “without words” in incorrect because the Greek word logos is not plural. Some of these versions would leave a woman believing she could never speak to her husband about God or Christ. The most literal translation is “without the word” and it implies that these husbands are not open to hearing the gospel spoken to them (Romans 10: 17 “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God”). It also implies that a wife who has a believing husband or one who is willing to hear the word should be taught by his wife the will of God. Everything else in this passage applies to wives of all husbands, and is a description of reflecting Christ in your submission to your husbands. Your conduct is to be “chaste (pure) conduct accompanied by fear”, and your outward appearance should reflect your inner person. In other words, dress modestly and appropriately as a godly woman as opposed to trying to dress to please your husband in order to allure him to Christ. This will not work but will cause both of you to become worldlier. The hidden person of the heart should guide your conduct in being incorruptible, gentle, of a quiet spirit (not a silent spirit), and to have knowledge with faith that this is indeed is “…very precious in the sight of God.” By doing this you will be following the Old Testament examples of holy women like Sarah who recognized Abraham’s headship by calling him lord, and you will share in Sarah’s reward as her spiritual descendant. To fully understand the conduct of the wives and husbands as revealed in 1 Peter 3: 1-7 we need to continue reading at least through verse 17. Vs. 8-12 describes characteristics we have all been called to emulate for maintaining a loving unity with Christians and our spouses. We can be the peacemakers even if our spouses refuse. By doing this we will inherit a blessing from the LORD whose eyes see us, and whose ears hear us. Vs. 13-18 teaches us that blessings come from suffering for righteousness sake. Instead of fearing those who persecute us (perhaps an unbelieving husband) the text says “But sanctify (set apart) the Lord God in your hearts and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear…” Wives; this means you also, especially to your husbands. Sanctify, set apart, treat as holy, the Lord God in your heart, and this will make you prepared to answer in defense of your belief in Christ. These are the opportunities we should be praying for, whether a wife with an unbelieving husband, or in general in regards to someone showing an interest or at least a curiosity about our beliefs. Do this with meekness and fear so you can maintain a good conscience in these efforts. The hope is that those who defame and revile you will be put to shame (Necessary for repentance to be possible). God sees our suffering for those things that are good and so do those who are around us. Let us pray that it will prompt them to ask us why we are willing to have this attitude so we can tell them about Jesus. ~ LRW Ephesians 5: 25-27 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” WIVES TEACHING THEIR HUSBANDS ABOUT JESUS 11.22.09
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”HUSBANDS UNDERSTANDING THEIR WIVES 11.29.09
Husbands, how can you lead your wives in this way? You must know what God teaches about wives, about the role of wives in the home, and each husband must know the uniqueness of his own wife.
1 Peter 3: 7 Young’s Literal Translations
“The husbands, in like manner (1 Peter 2: 11-25), dwelling with [them], according to knowledge (Vines- Gnosis- primarily a seeking to know, an enquiry, investigation), as to a weaker vessel -- to the wife – imparting honour, as also being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.”
When you read “understand your wife” or “live with her in an understanding way” recognize that God expects you to know your wife. If you still do not understand your wife in some way then you still have your work cut out for you. Also, we are not static beings. We are changing, the experiences of life change us, and our knowledge and wisdom change us, and so forth. So if you think you have figured out your wife completely, do not tune out. Continue to study and investigate your wife in order to best lead her.
The wife is the weaker vessel or vessel of lesser strength, and she is to be treated delicately, gently, lovingly, and as Ephesians 5: 29 states “nourished and cherished”. Honor your wife and esteem her as a gift from God of great value. She is either an heir along with you of the grace of life or someone you are trying to lead to become an heir of the kingdom. Treat your wife with these things in mind so your prayers will not be hindered. Some commentators state that the hindrance would be to a husband and wife not being unified in their prayers, and would perhaps hinder their praying together. I certainly encourage husbands and wives to pray together, and hear each others prayers. Read 1 Peter 3: 8-17 as part of this study, and consider 1 Peter 3: 12 in regards to prayers.
1 Peter 3: 12 “For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil.”
Doing evil towards your spouse will hinder your prayers.
Titus 2: 1-3 “But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things…”
Husbands need to understand that your wives need to seek out older women in the faith for learning, and to become older women in the faith able to teach good things to their children and others. In Proverbs 31 is the wisdom of a Mother, who was a queen, to her son who would one day be a king. She recognized her responsibility to him, and that he was the son of her vows. This is probably referring to her marriage vows, and means her love for her son was an extension of her vows to her husband. We are to be kings for Christ (Revelation 1: 5b-6), and raise our children to be kings for Christ (Proverbs 1: 7-9).
In vs. 3-9 she teaches her son to conduct his life morally so as not to lose strength, wisely so as not to be destroyed, and soberly so as to judge righteously. This will allow him to accurately judge women. These attributes will also make him desirable to a virtuous woman who would reject an immoral, unwise and/or intoxicated man.
Verses 10-12 introduce the virtuous woman of King Lemuel’s day. To be virtuous implies a woman who with strength exerts force of will over her body, mind and spirit. King Lemuel’s mother indicates that the virtuous woman is rare in society, and to be valued far above rubies (earthly treasures). Her husband can trust her in all things and with all things: Her love and respect for him; her love for their children; the wisdom of her decisions. He will have no lack of gain with the help of her stewardship. “She does him good and not evil all of the days of her life.” Her goal is to help him be able to best lead the family. She will care for him in all of his needs, and she will thoughtfully provide the good things he wants.
Husbands; understand your wives, and what God wants them to be. Lovingly guide them in this effort, but do so primarily by your daily example of being Christian leaders in the home. Wives, take to heart these teachings of God so that your life as a wife will be more fulfilling, and strengthen your family. ~ LRW
HUSBANDS UNDERSTANDING THE ROLES OF THEIR WIVES 12.06.09
“…the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2: 4-5 Consider the word homemakers translated in the NKJV “homemakers”, NASB “workers at home”, and KJV “keepers at home”. Substitute another word for home in these phrases. Use the word business, farm, school, etc. It is the idea of managing the home. How many waking hours a day are successful business managers working? Jehovah God wants wives to make the home their priority, and focus of their efforts. Wives need to understand this as do husbands so they do not lead their wives astray for material comforts. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5: 8 This charge falls to men and women, husbands and wives, or any saint in a position to financially help family members in need. Wives, are you needing to work to provide for the needs of your household? Legitimate reasons can include your husband being in a job that does not cover the bills, bad financial decisions from the past that have put your household in debt, an adverse health situation (disease or accident) that may prevent your husband from working for a period of time or a lifetime, or a combination of these. Be aware of the lies that Satan will put before you in order to disrupt the God ordained order of your Christian home, and leave your household vulnerable to more temptations. Wives should not be working just for the sake of material gain, because this is a form of greed. There are times when a wife must work. If you are working, honestly assess if your household (husband, children, the maintaining of the home) is benefiting more from this effort or from you being at home. Count the cost, and determine the priority from the word of God. Notice as we continue to study through Proverbs 31 that the activities of the virtuous woman are directly related to the home, and not work for someone or something else. In vs. 13-27 she works to feed, cloth, and care for her household. This includes going where necessary to get supplies and food and rising early to provide for her household. She buys a field and plants a vineyard with her profits (literally “fruit of her hands”). In verses 28-31 the context makes it clear that she receives the “fruit of her hands” from her husband, not from the sale of crops from the land. She is educated in agriculture and the proper use of land. Education is important so I encourage young women to get degrees or learn a trade- you never know when you will marry or when you may need to carry the burden of supplying financially for the home. She is strong, recognizes the value of items, works with tools to accomplish a task, is charitable to the less fortunate, overcomes obstacles, and makes her own clothes. Her husband is known in the gates where he is able to sit with the city leaders. He is known in part because of her virtue. A husband and wife should benefit one another’s reputation. She contributes financially by making clothes to sell at the market. This is not her primary focus, and is not done to the detriment of her household. She is known for her strength and honor, and her virtue will bring her rejoicing. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31: 26). This shows her to be a godly woman who understands that the beginning of knowledge and wisdom is the fear of the LORD. The love of the LORD teaches her to be kind to others. Verse 27 begins “She watches over the ways of her household…” This means she is in submission to her husband. She provides for his needs in the marriage relationship (words of affirmation, affection, your time, acts of service, and tokens of appreciation), and encourages him spiritually. Her love for her children is an extension of the vows of love she made in marriage (vs. 1-2 remember Lemuel’s mother). She is watching over their well-being, education, spiritual character and all of their activities. She cares for her maidservants and any who reside in the household. The state of her home should be ready to be used by the household, and ready to be used for hospitality. The husband and wife are partners in guiding the home and they should utilize each others talents. The division of labor and delegation of activities from the husband will not look exactly the same in each household, but should in principal follow the guidelines of Proverbs 31. The godly woman does not need to feel pressured into believing everything must be done everyday. After all, the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 was not buying a piece of land every day, and she was not making clothes for market every day. If your husband is able to take care of the financial needs of the household, then this scripture does not demand that a wife use some of her time and talents to generate more income. There is always something that a homemaker can be doing to improve the household and those who reside in it- especially the children. In verses 28-31 we see the husband and children recognizing and acting upon the needs of the wife. Husbands; our wives need to be praised, and we need to teach our children to recognize the works of their mother and give praise. This kind of woman should prompt praise, but we need to look for ways to recognize and praise our wives. Wives need to understand that they are to seek the praise of the LORD first, and unfortunately, some wives have to rely upon this praise alone. Husbands are to “give her the fruit of her hands” as a recognition of her value to you and the home. Supply her needs abundantly and gift your wife with an understanding of what pleases her. This does not mean diamond jewelry every week (that actually would not appeal to some women). This does mean thoughtful gifts in the form of words of affirmation, affection, your time, acts of service, and tokens of appreciation (These are known as the five love languages that we will hopefully speak of more in relation to the scriptures). This need for knowing, loving, and leading your wife is true whether or not she is a Christian. When she put herself under your headship in the covenant of marriage she became your wife from God for the duration of the life you will both have together. Her price is far above rubies. ~ LRW
Heather and I were first introduced to the concept of the five love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts of appreciation, physical touch) as part of a study series on marriage created by Gary Smalley. I don’t know who first identified these love languages, but the originator is God; for “God is love” (1 John 4: 8b). Women might think physical touch is first for all men, and men might think a gift of appreciation is first for all women. Both assumptions are false. What is most important is to honestly speak to one another about what makes you feel loved, and how you best show love to others. LOVE LANGUAGES 12.13.09
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION Proverbs 18:19-21 teaches us the difficulty of reconciling with someone we have offended. Words well spoken satisfy a need. Their power can bring life or death. Also, in Proverbs 12: 18 we read “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” As Christians, we need to practice the teachings of Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” This needs to be our aim in every conversation we have in this life, and especially with our spouses that we may take for granted too easily. We are admonished to practice this as taught in Hebrews 10: 23-25: “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”
QUALITY TIME In Deuteronomy 24: 5 we read “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.” God recognizes the need for a husband and wife to have time together to build, maintain, and strengthen their covenant relationship through shared experiences, a knowledge of one another and of God’s will. We find God rebuking the people of Judah in Malachi 2: 13-15 for dealing treacherously with their wives. The wife of your youth is your companion with whom you share your years, not just your house. You are to spend time together, and above all, work together in a pursuit of fulfilling the will of God. It takes quality time together to produce the godly offspring that God seeks. In Genesis 2: 18, after the LORD God had declared each aspect of His creation to be “good”, He finds one thing that is not good; “it is not good for man to be alone”. Men, God knows that you need companionship. For those who have chosen a wife, you need to spend quality time together to be in one another’s presence, have conversations you both need and seek to make all of your time together beneficial for both of you.
In John 14: 7-9 we read these words of Jesus, “If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.” Philip said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?”
First and foremost, how much quality time have you spent learning Jesus? In Matthew 7: 21-23 Jesus declares to certain ones in the coming resurrection that He does not know them. The implication is that they did not truly know Him, and understood what He required of them. Secondly, how much time have you spent knowing your spouse?
ACTS OF SERVICE We read in John 13: 1-17 the account of Jesus washing the apostle’s feet. Peter refuses to let Jesus do this, but relents when Jesus tells Peter it is necessary if Peter is to continue as His disciple. The implication is for them to be humble and serve one another. Also, our service to Jesus puts us in a position to receive the benefits of His past service for mankind, and His ongoing service in interceding on our behalf. Let us recognize the importance of daily acts of service in our marriage.
GIFTS OF APPRECIATION In Genesis 24: 22-23 we read “So it was, when the camels had finished drinking, that the man took a golden nose ring weighing half a shekel, and two bracelets for her wrists weighing ten shekels of gold, and said, “Whose daughter are you? Tell me, please, is there room in your father’s house for us to lodge?” If Abraham’s servant gave her gifts, how should Jacob gift her as her husband?
In Genesis 30: 14-15 we read about Reuben bringing his mother Leah some mandrakes that are pleasing to her. Rachael also wants the mandrakes, because they are pleasing to her as well. We remember that both of them were married to Jacob, and Leah tells Rachael that there is something she desires more than the mandrakes in order to feel loved. She gives Rachael the mandrakes, and Rachael agrees for Jacob to “lie with” Leah.
PHYSICAL TOUCH Genesis 30: 16-17 reveals to us that Leah desired the intimate physical touch of being with her husband more than she desired the mandrakes and God blessed their union by giving her a child. Hebrews 13: 4-6 teaches us the holiness of a man and a woman sharing intimate physical touch in the marriage covenant only, where God’s blessing is fully realized. A man and a woman who are not married to each other are fornicators or adulterers if they share intimate physical touch. 1 Corinthians 7: 1-7 teaches us that a husband and wife need to be diligent partners in providing for each others need for intimate physical touch. This covers all areas of physical affection, which should be done daily in some form. Do not rely on one another to exhibit self control in refraining from intimate physical touch even though Paul calls us to do so. Paul warns that husbands and wives are vulnerable to falling into temptation. Please read 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11, and notice the number of sins listed that pertain to satisfying the physical need for intimate touch. Our society has made it very easy to sinfully gratify this need via the internet, and other means. Let us remember the admonition in 1 Corinthians 6: 18-19 to “flee sexual immorality”, and remember “that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you.” ~ LRW
GOD'S LOVE FOR HIS CHURCH SHOWN IN ALL OF THE LOVE LANGUAGES 12.20.09
Ephesians 2: 11-13 There was a time when the Gentile world was alone and did not know God, and many today refuse to learn about God. The children of Israel also were in need of Christ, because Romans 3: 23 teaches us that "…all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God…"
1 Peter 2: 4-5 John 10: 27- Hebrews 7: 25 Acts of service- Romans 6: 23 Ephesians 5: 25-27 Physical touch (Metaphor of the Spiritual intimacy of our relationship with Jesus) - Hebrews 12: 5-8 God’s love for His church allows individual Christians to make the choice to sin and His love prompts Him to chastise Christians in an effort to bring them to shame. To choose to sin is disgraceful (notice that word, disassociates one from grace). The feeling of guilt for choosing to sin is a gift from God, and prompt us to repent. If you have guilt for actions or thoughts you have not repented of than determine what is delaying your reconciliation with God and with anyone you may have sinned against. Is it pride? Is it fear? Have you done wrong, but do not feel guilt? God will chasten you in an effort to prompt you to repent, and it may come in a form that you would prefer to avoid. God’s love is directed towards us with one goal in mind- for us to be able to be with Him when this life is over. Nothing that we suffer or lose in this life can compare to the agony of eternally being separated from God. ~LRW
??????"My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
??????Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
?????? For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
??????And scourges every son whom He receives."
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons."
MEMORIALS FOR OUR CHILDREN 1.10.10
I remember standing with my brother Ronald in his apartment when he talked to me about a canoe he had made. The one man canoe was hanging from the ceiling over our heads, and it was beautiful. The craftsmanship, time, the need to get it right (after all, it has to be able to safely convey one across water), and the diligence to finish it were very impressive to me. He made the point that this canoe was something made with his own hands that he could pass down to one of his children. It would be an heirloom, essentially, a memorial to his love for them and a symbol of the totality of his person that he was trying to leave with them as their father. This is truly a worthy and beautiful sentiment, because something made with your own hands or at least made with your own efforts will mean much more to your children.
If we pass from this life while any of our children are alive, then we will leave things behind for our children. What will those things be? What memories will they provoke in our minds? We will leave more than just tangible items behind. We will leave with them the legacy of our words and actions. What words will they remember often that were spoken by us and what will it mean to them? What actions will they recall us doing, and what kind of examples will they be for them?
"And it came to pass, when all the people had completely crossed over the Jordan, that the LORD spoke to Joshua, saying: "Take for yourselves twelve men from the people, one man from every tribe, and command them, saying, ‘Take for yourselves twelve stones from here, out of the midst of the Jordan, from the place where the priests’ feet stood firm. You shall carry them over with you and leave them in the lodging place where you lodge tonight.’"
Then Joshua called the twelve men whom he had appointed from the children of Israel, one man from every tribe; and Joshua said to them: "Cross over before the ark of the LORD your God into the midst of the Jordan, and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, that this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ Then you shall answer them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD; when it crossed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. And these stones shall be for a memorial to the children of Israel forever." Joshua 3: 1-7Will your children be able to pick up a certain bible that shows wear from being used, maybe markings from personal study, and recall the hours you spent studying? Will they remember the times you read to them from the bible, and the studies you had with them? Will they remember being taught how to go to the bible to find the answers of this life, and the life to come? You may leave behind dated computer games or other software, but will your children also be left bible software or some other means of how this tool was used to enhance your understanding of God and His word?
Your children may go worship with the same congregation and remember being with you there. If your children do worship with the Lord’s people, wherever that may be, will they recall memories of your example of reverent worship? Will they remember your participation in the worship, and strengthening of your brethren afterwards? Will they be left the example of visiting others and opening their homes with hospitality? When your children are engaged in a biblical discussion with someone will they recall your discussions with others?
The Holy Spirit, as is often the case in scripture, saw fit to mention and further explain the reason for the memorial of the stones.
"Now the people came up from the Jordan on the tenth day of the first month, and they camped in Gilgal on the east border of Jericho. And those twelve stones which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up in Gilgal. Then he spoke to the children of Israel, saying: "When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, ‘What are these stones?’ then you shall let your children know, saying, ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry land’; for the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed over, that all the peoples of the earth may know the hand of the LORD, that it is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever."
Joshua 3: 19-24
The lesson that the stones were to teach was to be a reminder of the existence of the Living God who acted with power on behalf of a people He chose to worship Him in a special way. The teaching began that day, and was to continue forever. God has achieved this by preserving this story in His Word. What are we teaching our children today? We are living memorials before them at this very moment, and we are continually fashioning the finished product that we will leave to them. When the children of Israel looked at the stones they were to think about God. When our children look at us do they see us leading them to God? Are you living a relationship with God that allows your children to see God act with power on your behalf? If you do not have this relationship with God, then for your sake, your family’s sake, and for the sake of any and all who observe your life- I encourage you to do so. Where there is life there is hope. ~LRW